Operation SOM
08 Jun 2010 3 Comments
Okay so we had our 15 yr anniversary this week but the truth is things have been pretty rocky for the past 5 years, we’ve been through a lot in the time we’ve been together, we both arrived with baggage ( even as the 16 yr old girl I was) and the first few years were tough. I was a trouble seeking missile those first 2-3 years, damaged and looking for an opportunity to self destruct, my husband stuck through it with me though I put him through hell and he had his own demons to face. I fell pregnant with our first child at 20 which was a blessing and gave me a reason to pull myself together. Though that was only the beginning of a long road to where we are today, the following years were bliss and trauma at the same time, bliss because of our boy and not long after a gorgeous wee girl, trauma as we cared for my mother as she was diagnosed with cancer which ultimately claimed her coupled with many trials surrounding my dysfunctional in the extreme family. There’s been struggles with addictions and the stuggle to repair ourselves as individuals from the damage done. Of course since we now have 3 kids together the usual demands of two working parents and a busy household of course have made it hard to find our feet as a couple. Of course I love my husband and our children are the best thing that ever happened to me it’s just that I struggle with the whole concept of being married, I sometimes feel like it’s a licence to take each other for granted, I feel like I have changed so much from that 16 yr old girl I was when we met and wonder if we would still be together or even like each other if we hadn’t had the kids or if we had met today. I think with all the resentment from the years of misunderstanding each other, the routine of working, taking care of the kids needs, minimal family support or time away as a couple that it has taken its toll.
So anyway things came to a crunch and we decided it’s do or die time, we’ve given ourselves a timeline to fix it or walk away… Operation SOM (save our marriage). We are looking for a marriage counsellor and shock horror we booked a Hotel room in the city for the night, my sister is taking the kids and we are going to have a night of freedom! It will be strange but overall I am looking forward to it. We’ll go out for dinner, find a nice bar with good music and connect as adults who hopefully will find we still like each other as people not just someone to bitch at for all the perceived slights and disappointments. It’s only a step in the right direction but it feels right and if it doesn’t work I know we will both be okay and that life is to short to spend it fighting and being unhappy, so since I don’t really talk about this to anyone I thought I might spill on my blog. Thanks for listening and keep your fingers crossed for us, okay, over and out.
Jun 08, 2010 @ 13:02:15
wow! thanku for sharing.. I look forward to reading more.. it is brave of u to share so.. I have my fingers crossed… But ultimately, I have my fingers crossed that whatever happens… you are happy… xxxxxxx
Jun 08, 2010 @ 13:34:28
Just so you know… I am listening. My fingers are crossed. Over and out.
Jun 08, 2010 @ 20:26:57
feels good! cathartic is that the word? so far so good btw, seems like now we are being really honest with eachother not so much of a need to bitch or snipe, eventually when you feel resentful you start behaving like a person you don’t even like anymore, so if you don’t like the snappy, vengeful, person you have become why would your partner? It’s like the cycle you can’t help but repeat, back and forth, attack and defend, till it’s not fun and you look at eachother like enemies.